Expectation

Let me ask you a simple question , What do you expect from life ? Or In life . 

Love , Career , Marriage , Children , Gets Old and Die in Peace . 

Is that what you been looking for ?

Are you that kind of person that believe happily ever after ?  

Or

Are you that kind of person that got tired about relationship and try not to think about it ?  

Or 

The uncommon one which is just sitting there waiting miracle happen on you. 

I dunno about most of the people out there but for me I am the second one. 

Not that I get dump or I cheat ( which I never did ) , is just that too many heart breaks 

are the problem. 

Not easy to move on from certain someone , it takes quite sometime.

I have to admit that my previous , it took me about 2 years to move on. WTF 

Fall in love is easy but moving on is 10 times harder or maybe thousand times. 

Well , I been thru that path and I believe everyone did too. or just some of you are still

attached and living happily ever after and planning walking down the aisle soon. FML

I still remember I used to be that dude that plan my wedding , everything from the catering to bridesmaids dress but for now nah. 

I never think of that anymore , not inside my mind. Not that I know 

I don't even care about marriage now , all I want to be is becoming a successful person. 

If love somehow drop by then I might la but for now I don't even wanna think about love or marriage. 

Love scare me and marriage freaks me out. No doubts
Anyways , recently my " ex " collegemates did amazing job of the video production. 

Perfect Two and Safe.
* Enjoy Watching while holding a cup of popcorn and a box of tissue paper * LOL

( Was watching the Perfect Two first then when I watched this one , I cry man )

Happily Ever After

THE END 

This sucks.

You know life is so unfair right ?
Yes , I'm totally knowing that feelings because I'm in that life now.
Life aren't that easy , at least for me. You guys have no idea how's my life behind this curtain right ?
Have you ever wonder ? No. I haven't a deep conversation with someone ( even close friends ) more than a months , all this while I'm just pretend I am fine and keeps yawning about it.
I got no choice but to yawn , I know some of my friends that I met over twitter muted , unfollow me because of my extremely bimbomatic tweets .
I get it , what do you want me to do ?
Tweet out loud all my feelings and not even save some space for myself ?
I met few friends over twitter and we become quite close because we have something in common or so and we talk to each other but then due to my over yawning tweets , you guys unfollow me.
Don't pretend you follow me but actually u mute me.
I know , without looking at your profile I had that in mind.
I'm sorry for my yawning tweets , but what should I do ?
Like you guys says stop yawning and motivate myself .
HOW ? I have no one to motivate me and you think I can motivate myself just like that ?
I just can't , I'm that kind of person takes forever to move on . I swear I am
You guys say it so easy but you guys haven't touch a sense of my life yet.
You think owning a hermes , own a car and growing up from a atas class family is quite easy because I have everything ? No , no matter how rich am I , I'm still not happy about life.
Yes , the older generation are right. Rich doesn't bring you joy but poor does.
I don't really mind you guys unfollow me , because is your choice , I can't force you.
I never force people to follow me unless I wanna DM you something.
I just don't get it. I feels kinda upset when I see the close one unfollow me just because I have extreme noisy twitter account.
So you rather follow people who talks about sex then someone then yawning ? Great.
One thing I hate is , I treat you as a friends and all you did is shut me out of your life and never talk to me ?
Seriously ? I'm being so nice to you and at the end take me for granted.
I dunno which part of me makes you wanna take me for granted lor. I just don't get it
Another thing is you being nice to strangers and their don't bother at all.
I don't want to leave the name down but I have quite a few on the list.
I know la , I don't have the bodies , sweet mouth or great feature but at least I'm being nice.
Seriously , now a days being nice always wrong. You know how to win people's heart ?
You have to butt sucking people. Sorry , I can't do that all the damn time. I'm no stupid , I have my limits.
I can sweet talk with you but butt sucking is whole different story.
Bodies. I'm trying so hard to prove that I can be as hot as you people but how ? teach me la.
I work out and my face still look shitty. I'm so fucking sorry that my parents born me with such a feature.
Brown eyes , thick lips and uneven face shape.
Yes , I know. I wish I have better feature so please blame my parents.
Just so know , I have low self esteem. I am , I'm that kind of person that need people to push me only I will do it or else I will choose to wave white flat or lay around.
I have to apologize to whoever still follow me on twitter ,
I'm sorry that I tweet so much A DAY and to whoever unfollow me ,
let's just say you wanna end this thing with a mean way without saying a words ,
I take that. I know I am extremely annoying.
Start off today , I will tweet very less. Probably 5 tweets a day

THE END

Sometimes

So what ? So what I have best parents that buy me everything ? 

So what I have everything ? So what I have the best thing ? 

I am not happy . You know that ? 

No. You know nothing and You don't give a fuck at all . 

Sometimes I ask myself , weather am I giving myself way of move on or just 

sit there and thinks there is miracle . I dunno 

Sometimes I wanna ask you , why we break it ? 

Sometimes I wonder am I too straight forward ? 

Or just doesn't want accept the fact about us. 

I dunno I dunno I dunno I dunno . * break glass * 

You know when you upset about certain things , you just pretend it never happen and hopes self can move on . 

But in real life , you'll get tired of pretending all this shits. 

Everything have limits , I believe pretending have limits too. 

You are happy out there but here I am standing along pretending everything is fine. 

I'm just upset everything. 

Last night 3am , I couldn't sleep because of thinking of it . I dunno , really dunno. 

All I did was just stoning at my balcony and blasting depressed song from my phone. 

I won't give up on repeated. I just started tearing from no way 

4 am , I finally able to fall asleep but I dreamed about you . 

Maybe you thinks you mean nothing to you but you mean everything to me. 

Sometimes I wish can go back and nothing happen . Nothing 

Sometimes . The words sometimes may sound possible to me but in my heart , mind all 

just impossible. Why would you ever come back ? Why would you ? 

You left me , Remember ? 

I just wondering have you ever being real to me or just faking yourself and play around ? 

I dunno , give me an answer. I just can't 

I'm so tired of saying " I'm okay " , " I'm moving on " and I'm so tired of faking my smile. 

Cry ? what's the point ? 

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Yes , I'm having the bad day . Bad Bad Bad one 

You think I'm joking ?

How old am I ?
18 turning 19th soon right ?
What fuckery I deserve all this treatment from you and mum ?
I would love to leave this home ( Wait , Does this house even belongs to me ? )
Nope , I don't think so . One getting on me then another one , you guys are way older than
me and you guys think you are the always right one ? * inside middle fingers *
I don't respect you ? I called you and you were busy doing your so call fucking business
and I asked mum to tell about it.
Right now you just yelling at my fucker ( thanks to your gene ) face ?
Really dad ? I know I'm always not a best child but you are not the best father either .
You think no one hates you in this family ? Really ?
Your own siblings which connect with you still say the same shit about you. You are one of the hardest in the family did you know that ?
You keep saying how not well is your family and yadda yadda ?
Have you ever think about my feelings ?
Everyone in this house have to live under your rules , I'm sick and tired of all this shit. I just wanna leave and never come back but  can I ? NO
I'm so tired la. You think is easy to raised up by you ?
The not really funny and joker father ?
Yes , I do get jealous my friend's parents .
Why can't you be just like that ? WHY ?
I know different people have different personality but yours are the sucky of all .
Yes , whatever crap I'm writing now is out of respect but bitch please , fuck me I don't really care.
Growing up in this modern century taught me soo , I mention before I will never educate my children like the way my parents educated me.
If my parents insist of getting extra hands on my children , I'll just send them to oversea.
Yes , whatever I said today , I will make it happen and watch me.
I don't want their * traditional educate * influence my children .
Sorry to say but I just have too.
Perhaps , my mum can tag along .
The father , he can continue dreaming of his old matter of learning and teaching.
I'm still under them , I will try my best to overcome everything and SURVIVE * wtf *

Love defies generalizations. Poets, philosophers, theologians, and countless others have ascribed their own theories and interpretations but often they still fall short of the goal of capturing the true nature of this unfathomable entity. The strength of love lies in its diversity. It possesses the unique ability to evolve, change, and permutate over the course of our lives. Just as we grow outwardly we must also grow inwardly. Our thoughts, realizations, and perceptions are given credence by our individual experiences on the separate paths we follow in our quest for love. And as love is an integral part of our inner selves, so it must grow and mature as well. It possesses the ability to adapt to its internal as well as its external environment. It not only changes as we change but it also ebbs and flows outwardly dependent on the receptivity of those to whom it is directed.

Parental Control

( THIS BLOG POST IS ABOUT MY PERSONAL FEELINGS OKAY AND DON'T GO JUDGE ME SAYING I'M FUCKING RUDE KAY ....... WTF )
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So recently I have an argument with my dad ( I love you mummy , you're safe for now ) about me driving out too much and going out so often. YOU CALL ME AS OFTEN ? ( Btw I don't really go out that often lo like seriously no JOKES la , my latest event will be till 12 shape then I will roll back home already lor ) FML T.T
First driving . Hey dude , you're the one who asked me to go get license and etc lalalalalal..... and now you scolded me drive too much ? what do you actually aspect me to do ? seat home and do dirty job everyfuckingdaytill I'm 21 ? Eh , I'm 18 years old not 8 months old leh ( WTF , doing dirty job for 4 year ) STOP TREATING ME LIKE ONE OF THOSE KIDS WHO GO OUT EVERY FUCKING NIGHT , COME HOME LATE WHEN I NOT EVEN GO OUT EVERY FUCKEN NIGHT .
I know I still under control by you but please , let me do my own things and chase my own dream la.
I'm not mad but I'm fighting for my own rights , I'm human too I have attitude too , I have emotion too .
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Sometimes when I did something wrong and of course I'll say sorry la but when you blame me and when you find out the true and the person is not me , DO YOU EVEN SAY SORRY TO ME ? One thing I don't like about you is , you blame me I'm fine but when you blame me and start scolding me all the punani words/Puntek words , there goes me raising up with my tone then we end up yelling at each other . I FUCKING HATE FIGHTS OKAY
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Secondly , college . DUH , YOU NEVER GO TO COLLEGE BEFORE MEH ? ASSIGNMENT CARRY LOAD OF MARKS TO LA BESIDE EXAM AND ATTENDANCES. Can you please go ask my cousin and uncles that does assignment really that important .
Seriously yesterday was the fucked up one . I
told my mum I'm going out to do my assignment and then hours later when I arrived at my friends and dad called and FUCKING YELLED at me say that what are you doing out there again? Since when I go out the day before la dei . Fine I answer I'm doing my assignment and he say okay then be home at 2 . FUCKER , I'M NOT EVEN STARTED YET LEH THAT TIME HOW TO GO BACK HOME ? Fine so when I reached home at 4.30 and not even 5 , I called him again and kindly tell him I'm home and then this is what happen ;
Me : I'm home
Dad : what time is it ?
Me : 4.30
Dad : what assignment is this ?
Me : Business Social Assignment
Dad : Give me you friends add , I go look for her and ask her .
Me : ( tell him the apartment name and location )
Dad : I'll go ask. YOU DO WITH YOU CLASSMATES ? YOU CLASS GOT FRIENDS ONE MEH . ( This is the worst line man , eh bastard you memang puntek la , what talking you )
Me : duh , I have friends and we doing our assignment together okay .
Dad : you head la .
Me : ( at this moment I wanted to scold him sohai already )
Me : * Off to phone  * and yell at him say stop treating me like a kids please , I'm not 8 years old , I'm 18 .
few mins later he called back
Dad : why you off you phone ?
Me : because I'm done with you
Dad : * cannot remember what he say already cause was too pissed *
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He got back and start yelling at me and scold me for that . DIU , I'M DOING ASSIGNMENT AND YOU'RE THE ONE NOT BELIEVE ALSO MY FAULT LA NOW , DAMN FUCKER AT TIMES ONE LA . IF YOU UNHAPPY WITH ME THEN SEND ME TO A BOARDING SCHOOL LOR THEN SAVE YOUR ENERGY TO YELL WITH ME .

Those post up there is special for my dad , hope he read it and realize something is going too wrong between me and him .
I shall go now before I start complaining already ,
Cheers and have a happy weekend .

Hope is

Hope is…
Hope is an eternal spring,
That can never run dry
At times it is only a drop of a tear,
which makes its’ way from a weary eye.
There are times when hope is flowing,
Steady as the river’s winding dance.
Or slow and constant, calm and cooling
abiding with a new and second chance.
Hope is a heavenly fountain,
That bubbles like laughter on a summer’s day
It refreshes our burning brow and thirsty soul
And helps us walk a fresh and different way.
Then hope bursts within us,
Like a surging wellspring whose power is from above
It is the rain that fell after the cross,
That washed us with His blood.
Hope is forever cleansing
It washes away our desperation and the hurt that is there
It gives our aching hearts solace and rest,
Hope brings us back into the loving arms of God, who has opened the
floodgates with His true love and forever care.
Heathers’ Bells
May 2006

Breakdown .....

Tears falling down my cheak ,
whats happining to me ?
I used to be so strong ,
but lately I feel so weak .
all the stress brings me down ,
It gives me no choice ,
I cant seem to speak my mind ,
I just can't find my voice.
more cuts end up on my wrist ,
something else I got to hide ,
besides the smile I used to have ,
but now it's hid behind ,
the other part of me ,
the person I pretend to be ,
so you dont see my tears ,
I fight all my fears ,
I can't show emotion ,
so I store it all inside ,
but It builds up ,
I breakdown ,
I have to cut myself to let it all out .
The pills numb my pain ,
puts the stress off to the side ,
and when I bleed it all out ,
I feel better inside.

Life Is A Prison

Life is a prison,

Oh God let me out.

No one to listen,

To hear when you shout.

Climb the walls of insanity,

Ride the waves of despair.

If you fall it don't matter,

There's no one to care.

Used to wish for a window,

To see birds, trees and sky,

But you're better without one -

Stops you aiming too high.

Watching freedom is painful,

For those locked away.

Seeing joy, love and happiness,

Another price that you pay.

Strong is good, weak is bad.

Be it false, be it true.

Your mind makes the choice,

And enforces it too.

Cell walls built by society,

With rules to adhere.

If you breach the acceptable,

You had better beware.

Hide the pain, carry on,

Routine is the key.

Don't let on that you're not,

What you're pretending to be.

Lock it all up inside you,

How badly that bodes.

Look out for that one day,

When it all just explodes.

Leaving naught but a shell,

Base functionality too.

But killing all else,

That was uniquely you.

So how do you grow,

With a timebomb inside?

Or how to defuse it,

Without destroying its ride?

You can't.

Lesson

I've learned a lot of lessons
In the short time I have lived
I've learned how to appreciate
And I've learned how to give.

But in these past few months
There's two I'll remember most
I've learned how to love
And I've learned to let go.

You entered my life with such a force
And left it with one as strong
And though we tried to make it last
We both knew it wouldn't be long.

I lie at night and think about
How I'm the one to blame.
If only I would have trusted you,
I could have missed this pain.

And so I spent each day of my life
With my heart in pieces
And when I thought it could never be cured,
Something happened; I expected it least.

I guess my soul was all cried out,
And it was tired of being used.
And even though I know I'm guilty,
I was tired of being accused.

And so I've learned to end this
Without an urge to cry
These are my final words to you,
"I love you and goodbye."

Every relationship goes through stages. Where and how each stage develops is ultimately up to each person. While we always hope for the best, we often can't avoid the inevitable.

Hello there .
Wot's up everyone ? LIFE was horrible . When I need a laptop , MY DAD IN SUCH A BAD MOOD , When I don't need it , HE IN THE GOOD LIKE HELL . Lol WHUT ?
College life ?
Headache much man . Communication English Assignment , Marketing Fundamental ( WORST ) , Intro to Communication ( Brain Juice ) . HO MAI GOD , Madness man . Well , what to do ? this is college will be lots more different than HIGH SCHOOL where teachers prepare everything for you , can copy friends 's job and stuff . LOLX
I not even in the progress of DOING A PROPER ASSIGNMENT .* Shoot me now please *
Nothing much drama , gossip happen around .
I JUST FOUND OUT SOMEONE LOOK LIKE PETER FROM FAR . OHMYGEE
Missed a lot concert lately , BRUNO MARS TO BIEBER . The worst part , I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW JOEL MADDEN FROM GOOD CHARLOTTE IS HERE TO SUPPORT BIEBER . ( Bang the wall right now )