Yesterday and Today , Last year and This Year .

When I asked God for endurance, strength, courage, and faith..
I asked him for endurance, endurance to never give up on you..
Endurance to always strive for you, no matter how tough the road gets..
Endurance to always be there for you no matter what the situation was..
I asked for strength, strength to always fight for you..
Strength to win your heart over..
Strength to do everything in my power to fight your battles and overcome all your sorrows..
I asked for courage, courage to always stand my ground..
Courage to fight every single obstacle you and I faced, no matter what the circumstances were..
And faith, faith to stay positive and know that everything for you will turn out okay..
Faith to know that everything I do for you will surely pay off and that in the end, I will be the one that you dream about..
Faith, faith to always know that Im doing the right thing and not being a complete idiot..
But since in us you no longer see, my wishes will have to adjust..
Ill have to ask for endurance, endurance to continue without the necessity of your sight that once brighten my days, the kisses that make me tremble, and your touch that makes me weak..
Ill ask for Strength, strength to fight you off my dreams..
Strength to erase you out of my mind and cut you from my heart..
Strength for my soul to forever forget you..
Ill ask for courage..
Courage to continue, continue without you by my side..
Courage to overcome feelings, feelings that I let rule my heart, mind, and soul..
And most importantly Ill ask for faith, faith to guide me through..
Faith to help me proceed with my journey and to know that one day, ill will no longer think of you..
Faith that one day you get what you deserve..
So i guess this will be the last thing that I offer you, I offer you my apologies..
Please forgive me, forgive me for falling..
Falling into a state of mind which saw us together..
A state of mind that fooled me and tricked my heart..
Tricked my heart into believing, believing it was something to fight for..
Believing that you and I were meant to be..
Believing that one day i could make you happy, make you happy by being me and only me..
By treating you, treating you the way someone like you should be treated..
Making it known how much you are cared about and reminding you of how special and beautiful you truly are, inside and out..
But I guess it was just a vision, something of the imagination..
Something so unbelievable, it was as if I was in a dream..
A dream that continue when I woke up..
It continued for months, and I let it go on..
My second apology is for the time being..
Sorry I came to you too strong, knowing your heart was somewhere else..
I guess the thoughts of me being with you outweighed reality..
A reality that I once despised, is now my best friend..
It reminds me every day that the whole time, you were somewhere else..
Sometimes not physically but mentally and emotionally..
I saw it the whole time, all three months we hung out..
I saw that once you began to speak about him, your mind would wonder off.
.It light your face, and you were no longer there..For a split second, I knew we would never work, but I continued to fight..
I guess I fought for what you said, you said there were always possibilities and the risk didnt seem too harsh..Now i regret, i regret not listening to my instinct, not truly believing my heart..
Although the human brain is an very complex and intelligent object, sometimes its the last thing to listen to..
Ive learned to always listen to my heart, and i will never go wrong..
And lastly I apologize for falling so hard..
Although it was only a few months, you did something to me..
You touched a part of me that has never been discovered, and its an unknown feeling for me..
Im scared, ive never felt this way and dont know how to cope with my feelings..
 People tell me its not long, and I completely agree..
But me, Im different, I dont see time..
When I look at life I dont see length, i see laughter, happiness, joy, moments that took my breath away..
Moments in which I felt I was on top of the world..
And times that made me feel special and one of a kind..
Times in which I felt I had to be no one else but myself, act no other way but my way, and yet that would be just enough..
Thats what I look for in life, without any of these things what would I have, age! Whats a long life without memories, times that made you truly happy and smile..
Things that made you become who you are and changed you for the good or bad..
So when I look back at our short period of time, to me its longer then what it seems..
I have countless memories as such, memories that shaped my heart and the feelings I hold for you..
Maybe it was wrong timing, or maybe never meant to be..
I just want you to know that i will always hold in a special place in my heart..
And if things ever change, i will be here in the spot you left me..Depending on where life takes me, it might be just a bit too late..But its hope that I hold on to and wont forget.. 

Xx Arran Foong ' 6 october 2010 

License to Forget the Unforgettable

I've got a license to burn, 
burn with a beautiful tenderness, 
something you never seem to give.
I'm held up in this wretched spider web,
and I keep floating inside our world;
I'm caught between loving and reality,
and I can't find happiness resting in my soul.
My burning heart won't seem to thump now,
it just seems to slowly trimmer with deep sorrow.
You were my loving hope through all these years,
now, there is no hope waiting here for my tomorrow.
These cliche', horrid lines roll off of my tongue,
back to back to back. And then back to back again. 
Yet, no matter what I say in this moment of truth, 
your feet seem incapable of turning around for my heart.
Your back is now permanently imprinted on my eyelids.
I've never written such horrid things as these right here,
but I've been trying to forget these things for far too long,
and I think that I'm finally able to see: that's the problem - 
I've been too busy trying to forget love that I never received.



Arran Foong 
6 October 2010
11.56 P.M

Better Days .

She stars look dull tonight.

I wonder if you see them like I do.

Everything was always so much brighter when we were 'together'.

More Alive.

I dreamed that you were gone a while ago.

I was so naive to think something like that would never happen.

I resent you for doing this to me but you did what you thought you had to.

I understand that.

I still have those cute messages you used to send me.

I cant bare to delete them; they're my only evidence of the happiness you gave me.

Though, I can't read them either; they will only remind me of what I've lost.

I saved the message you sent me telling me we couln't be together, it seems like I've read it thousands of times over, I just can't bring myself to delete it.

It's kind of pathetic that I've kept them, it's like my life depends on them.

Sometimes I think it does because they still make me smile, and sometimes a smile is all I need to get through the day. I guess I can't erase the memories, but I'm not complaining.

Sure I've given up on you, but I can't move on ..

I'm in denial, I still ---- you.

I'm not saying the word anymore.

But fuck this, my eyes are starting to blur now.

I hope this'll lead to better days .. 

Fearing.

Tears rolling down my cheek,
Our future looking quite bleak,
Not knowing which path to follow,
Heart aching with every swallow,
Hoping to sneak one more deep breath,
Before our love does the dance of death,
Everything you do says we're finished, we're done,
Getting hard to remember emotions when i only seem to experience one,
Needing to be strong,
To truly find where I belong,
The path becoming clear,
Secretly, loneliness is my only fear.