Tock-ticking Away

What do I do at night now that you're not here
Do I sit here and reminisce with my greatest fears
Or do I look into the darkness of my eyes
To flash back to see what lies
In my thoughts, in my hands
Back to your every command

I see the eyes you weren't fond of
The beautiful light brown abyss
That I couldn't help but get lost in
Its quite the feeling to miss

I see when we held hands
And walked so easily
How proud I was to be there
By your side so freely

I see when I held you tightly in my arms
As you dozed off into sleep
Hearing the clock tock-ticking away
Wishing those hands wouldn't make a peep

Then my eyes were open
It was no longer dark
Now here comes the feeling
Of wishing we didn't start 

I Promise I Wont

Let me just say that I am happy for you
I hope the best for you two!
And I promise I'm proud of you for who you've become
And how much of the bad you've left undone

I promise I wont say anything of our past
The days we spent together up until your last
I wont say that I was asked first to be forever
Because it leaves a terrible taste I try not to remember

I promise I would change it if I could
And switch my answer to what it should
I wont say who laid in your arms before you had to leave
Because bringing it up makes it so hard to believe

Hard to believe that I promised a long time ago
That we would never separate and end this show
I wont say one memory of the years we had
We shouldve drank it all down before it went all bad

I promise I wont ever share another kiss with another like you
I wont stick around with another if they pulled shit you put me through
I wont say I regret being addicted to your craziness
Because at some point, all of your ignorance truly was bliss

I promise I wont erase you from my previous chapters
I'll be sure to include the heart aches, fights, and laughters
I wont say how I know exactly what pisses you off and how
I'll concentrate on our lives now...

I promise I wont mention how I could've been your fiance first
Because adding gasoline to that fire would be sure to make flames burst
I wont say how someone in this car became a cheater
I'm sure she'll feel like i did, maybe I'll ask when I meet her...

I promise I'm kidding, I wont mess your life up like you did mine,
I just cry at night when I'm alone, admitting to the rest that I'm fine
I wont say how much my stomach hurts to the thought of you
Must be the taste of bad memories or because how much i love you too

I promise my hearts not truly breaking, it just feels like it is
I don't think you'll find anyone who will care as much as i did
I wont say how painful it is when someone brings you up in conversation
I just throw good news in of you to save me from aggravation

I promise to fake a smile when asked about you
And put some good words in the conversation too
I wont put you down or let anyone know the truth
I promise I wont tell anyone else how much i still love you 

FIRST HEARTBREAK

Evrytime I think of you,
your sweet caress,
your unravelling adoration for me,
I crumble to my knees.
I fall down endlessly.
I close my eyes for a while,
to dream of you,
to once again witness your wonder,
to be with you temporarily.

In denial is what they call my state;
Infuriated is what I feel.
You were brave enough to love me;
You were undoubtingly courageous to leave me.

I was hurt when we parted ways;
I was a mess when you found another.
Am I that easy to be forgotten?
Am I that unworthy to be wanted a little longer?

Whatever happened to forever?
I start to doubt its existence.
The promises you made to me,
It broke me to million pieces.

Tell me how to let go.
Tell me how to love another.
I don't want to feel distress.
I don't deserve this hurt anymore.